Do you ever wish motherhood came with a handbook? A step by step guide to raising godly children would be great! I can’t personally say that the Bible answers every question I have in parenting, but it speaks to the heart of them. So as I (Tiffany Montgomery) travel along this parenting journey I try to stay true to Biblical Motherhood. Looking to scripture first rather than the culture. That is what led me to brave Humility.
Humility requires I parent with an end goal in mind.
When I look at scripture I see that every chapter is leading to Revelation. God orchestrates life with an end goal. I began to work toward that for my parenting several years ago.
My goal is to raise competent young ladies who will radically change the world for the Kingdom of God.
To accomplish this goal I aim for independence (in action and thinking) and self motivation. However, as I work toward that goal I’ve learned there is no place for my pride.
I am naturally a very proud woman.
My life has been spent blazing trails, pushing past emotions and stepping out into the unknown. I’ve learned a lot and I don’t mind others thinking well of me.
Yet, as my young tween daughter began stretching her wings (she’s growing up so much like me it hurts) I was very concerned with what others would think of my parenting. My pride dictated I have a hand in her every decision… because it might not reflect well on me. Pride.
You younger men, likewise, be subject to your elders; and all of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, for God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.
1 Peter 5:5 NASB (emphasis mine)
Over time I saw her fierce spirit begin to quake in fear at every choice she made. ‘Where did that fear come from?’ I often thought.
Then I saw it… she began to hesitate to even ask me questions. I put that fear in her. Soon her fear turned to anger and disrespect, directed only at me.
My pride had quenched her spirit.
In prayer, I begged God to show me how to reverse this horrible parenting mistake. Boy how did He answer. He brought me face to face with my pride. Ugly, self promoting pride that was ruining the most amazing little blessings in my life.
The opposite of pride is humility.
How could I get to a place of humility in my Biblical Motherhood?
God is often referred to as our Father. I began searching for ways He “parents” us.
The recurring pattern in God’s parenting style, is grace.
God is okay with letting His children (us) mess up, because it showcases His Grace. When we fail, whether it is a small or great failure, we learn and grow in every way. We learn to not fail in that same way. Also, we learn more about God's character and grace. He's not worried about us ruining His reputation. Click To Tweet
1. I had to stop worrying about other mothers judgment
I’ve had to learn to not worry what other moms think of me as I parent these 2 little blessings. The opinion of others should not affect my parenting style even when getting to what causes me anxiety. That requires humility.
Who cares if my girls clothes don’t match or they have 6 lopsided braids! They’re learning to have their own style (as long as it’s modest) and having fun.
Who cares if we are late to church and have mud splotches on our shoes!?!?! We enjoyed a spontaneous moment after the rain and grew together in the process!
2. Give them a safe space to explore their God given design.
God created each of us with a specific design. There is a particular way in which we were designed to be and think and do things. My children’s design is not exactly like mine. I have to give them space to find their way instead of demanding they conform to mine.
Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 NASB
- If my little blessings are curious about something we explore it.
- When they want to try a new style we learn about it.
- If they want to learn a new craft we try it.
- When they want to do some of that stuff alone (independent of me), and they mess up… I let them.
- I swallow my instructions (the teacher in me wants to allow them to figure it out)
- Keeping my mouth shut unless they ask for help, requires brave humility.
3. I let them fail or succeed on their own.
It’s better for them to try new things with me close at hand
than to wait until they are grown with no safety net. Just to clarify, I’d never let them burn the house down or do things beyond their age and safety. I am a safety net… for now.
They are learning how to fail with grace. When they learn how to be okay with failure, it helps them learn to get back up and try again. Failure helps them learn to think critically through the process, fix the mistake and do it better next time.
Consequently, failure hurts. When they come to me in tears because of their mistake, I can take them to my source of comfort- God. God’s word is filled with promises of His comfort and strength. He is my everything and I want them to learn to turn to Him when they are in need as well as when they succeed. Click To Tweet I don’t want them to grow up depending on my faith. That won’t change their lives. But with these teachable moments they are learning to own their faith. They are growing in a real relationship with Jesus Christ, and that changes everything.
My End Goal
I believe we will achieve our end goal by parenting bravely. Brave humility is a big part of Biblical Motherhood. It allows us the opportunity to point our children to Christ.
But honestly, it’s hard to let them fail and so it directs me back to God. Time and time again I have to pray for God to give me strength to keep silent
I have found that pride steals everything I dream of, but brave humility leads to abundant grace.
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.
John 10:10 NASB
Don’t miss the rest of the posts in this series, click here or on the image below, to get to the landing page.