Motherhood encouragement is so important and I am so excited I get to encourage moms about the blessings of being a mom to an “only” child! If you don’t have an only child, there is something good in here for you too! God wants to encourage us all as mothers in this crazy thing called motherhood.
Have you noticed that there is a lot of shaming that goes on between moms about so many things? I just don’t get it. As a mom of an only child I have heard a few things over the years that felt like a crush to my spirit at the time: Are you having “only” one? Poor Child! You must have it easy! When you have two, then you will be a real mom, until then you are just playing house. Your child must be spoiled. How cruel to only have one. Your child will grow up lonely and selfish.
Motherhood is so hard and more than once I have been made to feel that I should be happy that I have it so easy. But easy is relative isn’t it? What is easy to me may not be easy for you and vice versa.
I was born in a home where children weren’t really loved nor were they actually wanted in the first place. I remember sitting with my mom when I was an adult hearing her tell me and my husband that if she had it to do all over again, she never would have had us in the first place. It wasn’t worth it. To her, we were a “burden” and life had been painful. Her comment wasn’t as surprising to me as it was my husband; I knew she was going to say it when we were chatting at the kitchen table, because she had told me many times before. Don’t get me wrong, she loved us and I loved her very much. She just didn’t have the tools or the ability to love us like we needed. I didn’t want to be like that so fear gripped me and I swore I would never have kids. I wouldn’t bring them into a world that hated them because I knew what that felt like.
But as God usually does, He had other plans! As my husband and I began our lives together we wanted to have kids. That almost didn’t happen. It took nine long painful years to get pregnant. But God is good and He was healing me during that time, healing my heart so I could be a good and loving mother.
During my pregnancy it was a fight for life for my girl and a fight for my health. I was extremely sick the whole 8 months, my nerve in my pelvis was pinched and my leg went numb, I had gestational diabetes, plus other things. We had an ultrasound every month for the first 7 months because they couldn’t find any kidneys or other important internal organs. She stopped growing the last two months because my placenta was compromised. The last 2 weeks we went in almost daily for them to vibrate my stomach to make sure that she was still alive because she stopped kicking. Then my blood pressure skyrocket and they said it was time, we could no longer wait and she was born almost a month early just over 5lbs. I had only gained 4lbs my whole pregnancy, so I weighed less after my surgery than I did before I got pregnant. I still have physical issues caused by that pregnancy I deal with today, nearly 13 years later.
Motherhood isn’t easy and for me and most people, being a mom to an only child wasn’t to be selfish. I had only one child because that is all my body would produce, and honestly, I am super proud of my only child and am thankful that God trusts me with her. Here is some motherhood encouragement, my daughter is a true gift of God! See, this is how I see things, she must be so special that she needs more of me than I would be able to give if I had multiples and I am willing to give it. It isn’t a weakness in me, God is building a masterpiece in her and I am grateful that I get to participate.
The reality is that even if I didn’t have any medical issues and wanted to only have one, what is so wrong with that? God knows what we can handle and He also knows what is best for each kid. Some kids may need more time and more resources so they can realize what God has for them. Is that so wrong?
Sarah, Abraham’s wife could only have one. I understand her pain when she watched all the other women have child after child yet she had none. Finally she gets pregnant and would be considered blessed and her descendants were more numerable that the stars in the sky. How can I complain? If this is God’s best for us, who are you to question it?
Do Your Best
It doesn’t matter, if a mom has one or ten, she loves her kids and is doing her best to figure out what the heck comes next! Motherhood is hard! But be encouraged moms, all we need to do is ask God, am I doing the best I can for You and if not, what do I change? No one and nothing else matters.
As a mom of an only I have spent most of my time feeding, clothing, teaching, loving, bathing, and healing my girl just like other mothers. But I am also my daughter’s only play friend at home, only ear to listen, only person to argue with, negotiate with, read with and laugh with. Being the only one can be tiring and a big job. Moms of onlies spend the same amount of time with their kids, just in different ways. When my daughter wants to play with someone, she plays with me. When she wants to chat about something, she chats with me. I am honored she still spends her time with me and I believe our bond is super strong because of it and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. It is an expectant gift that I will cherish forever.
Criticizing a mom for pouring too much love into their only child is ridiculous and hurtful. There is no such thing as too much love, it is nonexistent. Spoiling is not about too much love, it is inappropriate love and misplaced expectations. That happens with only children as well as with multiples.
Great Job Mom’s
Mom – love yourself for being great moms to your child or children. Don’t let others make you feel guilty for the size of your family, big or small. Remember God planned it like that before you ever thought of having kids. Your job is hard and as a mom of an only, I applaud all of you, moms of an only child and moms of multiple. Well done!
If you want to chat more about how important you are as a mom you can find me over at Grace For My Journey. You can also find me on Facebook at Grace For My Journey and my group, Grace for My Journey, Bible Studies and More.
Don’t miss the rest of the posts in this series, click here or on the image below, to get to the landing page.