Part of the disadvantage of being an immigrant, is the initial social disconnect.
The customs, the food and clothing are strange. Everyone speaks a different language, and when you finally think you have a grasp of what’s being said, it makes no sense because you’re completely lost in translation. You spend months, and sometimes years trying to catch up.
Parenting adults, is a lot like this.
I’ve been a mother for 23 years. I have six amazing children, and people often look at me like I’m some kind of parenting expert. However, lately I feel more like a foreigner in an uncharted land.
Almost everything I thought I knew about parenting seems to be obsolete. My best tricks of the trade are useless, my well thought-of come backs are feeble. My attempts to reason are futile.
Admittedly, when the parent-of-kid to parent-of-adult dynamic changed in our home both my husband and I were in shell-shock, because it all happened very suddenly. In the past year, we’ve experienced every one of these 5 ways of parenting adult children.
- The Runaway Way
- The Helicopter Way
- The Nag Way
- The Enabler Way
- The Believer Way
With time, we’ve finally come to humbly embrace number 5, in this new season.
The challenges we are facing are simple: our adult children have begun to claim their independence, and exercise their right to choose and speak for themselves.
Though at first we saw this as willful disobedience, and sought to take matters in our own hands, we have now come to completely rely on the Lord for guidance in this area.
5 Things to Remember During this Season
I don’t have mountains of valuable advise for you today. I myself am a rookie in this area, however there are five things the Lord has shown us this past year, as we learn to parent all over again.
1. The children He has given us are ultimately His.
If I want the best for each of my children, how much more does the Lord want to bless them? My love for them is rags in comparison to His.
2. Obedience and salvation are a personal choice.
My children will not be saved simply because I am. The decision to follow and serve Christ must come from a personal conviction.
3. The Lord’s promise will not return void.
Though many will one day walk away, the Lord will faithfully shepherd the prodigals heart.
4. I was called to be their mother, not their friend.
As their mother, my job is to raise them up in the ways of the Lord. It is to discipline and disciple. It is to encourage and support. My job is to stand firm on the word of God, even if it means we don’t agree.
5. Prayer changes things.
Prayer, has been my ultimate comforter whilst in this season. Hannah prayed for the blessing of a child. When the Lord fulfilled that request, she dedicated him to the Lord. Like Hannah, I will continue to pray, faithfully and fervently, even in the midst of uncertainty.
Finally, I’d love to pray for you while you, like me are in the midst of this part of your parenting journey. Feel free to leave a comment, or join us in the Embracing Proverbs 31 Community on Facebook.